What does a woman want? He, a gynecologist-surgeon, knows the answer for sure: a woman wants to trust and to be heard.
For nearly 20 years, Oleksandr Popkov has been reading the non-verbal messages from his patients' faces almost every day, as soon as they walk through the door. Of course, it’s not as simple as it sounds. "Sometimes, a seemingly pleasant and friendly woman can torture you with endless questions, while a reserved and stern one can be gentle and easily agreeable. And that’s the beauty of communicating with women—there's always a surprise."
He has made it his rule not to adjust to the patient but to try to understand what she wants and respect her decision. No, it’s not about trying to please. It’s about equality in the doctor-patient relationship. He believes this combination is a winning one: "Equality in communication always opens doors to the most intimate and at the same time helps to naturally avoid sharp edges."
In the gynecologist's office, a woman bares not only her body but sometimes her soul. He recalls a case when he was seeing patients overtime before a business trip and couldn’t understand why the last patient in the schedule insisted on a consultation for a routine check-up. No urgent issues, no complaints… And then, a series of questions about infections hit him with insight: "Do you suspect you’re being cheated on?" And then came the flood of tears. Yes, a woman wants to trust and to be heard.
He doesn't share the stereotypical belief that the best gynecologists are male. Smiling, he notes that women themselves came up with this idea. After a moment’s thought, he suggests that perhaps men's restraint leads to deeper communication, because sometimes women don't even admit to themselves what they’re truly seeking. He smiles again because working in a female-dominated environment forces him to guess this every day.
No, he’s not complaining. On the contrary: "Women are more hardworking, energetic, and flexible in communication." He is endlessly amazed by the women’s stories, which often form a pattern of hidden struggles for their femininity and motherhood in response to his questions.
His mentor once paid him a generous compliment, calling him an "intuitive doctor." Who knows, perhaps this is why he works so harmoniously with women—he intuitively finds just the right words. He doesn’t insist, persuade, or push. He listens, advises, offers options, and leaves the choice to the patient. Sometimes the gynecologist's chair is like a therapist's couch because to help a woman, you must feel her emotionally.
He learns from his female colleagues to give more than expected. After all, women, no matter their role, are masters of juggling multiple tasks and roles. His nurse, for example, is not just his "right hand"; she’s also a time manager, consultant, and psychologist. Like a multi-armed Shiva, she elegantly manages several tasks simultaneously, effortlessly jumping between topics—whether it’s about an obstetric pessary or teenage concerns.
He enjoys observing the lightning-fast change of roles in his patients. A minute ago, a firm voice was issuing orders over the phone; the next moment, she’s nervously asking about symptoms; then, she’s cooing sweetly to her child. Honest and vibrant in all their manifestations, women naturally and powerfully fill the space before them, but they are in no hurry to reveal what fills their thoughts.
Friends joke that he "looks into women’s souls," but we know for sure that a woman may easily bare her body and a range of emotions, yet her soul will always remain covered.
A woman can withstand the blows of life’s surprises. She keeps a positive attitude, even when working beyond her strength. Where does that power come from? Sometimes he wonders. Where does a cleaning lady get the life wisdom and stamina to do monotonous, tedious work daily and still leave patients with warm smiles and good spirits? It may seem like junior staff, but their work is what creates the atmosphere of the entire department. Oleksandr is constantly amazed by their all-encompassing sincerity and care for everyone who steps into the gynecology department, even for the men, who always seem lost in their female-centric space.
It’s no coincidence that pregnancy and childbirth fall on women’s shoulders—enduring these trials would be impossible for a man. The parade of hormonal changes, nine months of uncertainty and waiting, where "today" is nothing like "yesterday," pain that can cause someone to faint…
Sometimes the diagnoses are grim. Often, they walk hand in hand with life’s hardships. And every second woman finds the strength to fight, to go to the end despite everything. And he, the gynecologist, is convinced that every woman is born to win because she has the chance to nurture new life within herself. His job is to ensure that chance is not missed.
She is only two and a half years old. She doesn’t yet know all the surprises her femininity has in store for her. She doesn’t know how many women play "mothers and daughters" as grown-ups thanks to her father’s profession. But he knows that she will never fear the "female" doctor and will always come to her preventive visits on time. Of course, not to him. Like most of his colleagues, he avoids treating his relatives and close ones. He tried it once and still remembers the restrained delivery from ten years ago. They were waiting for his nephew to be born, and he was the one delivering the baby… For a moment, it seemed like the heartbeat was gone. His sterile surgeon’s heart froze too, as if the world had tilted. "Taking on the care of people who live in your heart is an overwhelming worry for a doctor who already has enough concerns. It’s better to keep some distance."
Today, he holds his little girl tightly in his arms because he knows that the years will pass, and he will have to let go. He is learning to do it already today: letting go of patients when they hesitate or refuse treatment. But, of course, the hardest part will be letting her, his small yet growing woman, step into adulthood—a woman who, more than anything, wants to trust and be heard.
